5 RANDOM Movies That Need An Anime BADo

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Between the invention of lesbians and the McDonald’s McGriddle, anime is obviously the best thing mankind (or Japan rather) has Ever made. Period. But these days you wouldnt know with a all the moe-blob & shounen bullshit running around these days (although there have been some pretty good shounen lately). I find myself asking if anime has done “everything” in regards to new genres and stories, but no, indeed it hasn’t. In the broad sense, you could argue it has, but in a defined sense, no, it hasn’t.

I rarely care about movies and watch them even less these days, but there are some that REALLY make me ache to see what could be done with them in an Eastern capacity. You know what I’m talking about? For example, Death Note and Dexter are so incredibly similar it’s not even funny. They’re both “evil” people caught trying to exercise justice, both who wear masks, and most importantly dodge the hand of the law. Watch both these series and you’ll see very little differences. An intellectualism abounds in these shows none have seen before. Now these shows arent related, but what IF this could be done again?

I’ll try to keep this short since I tend to Ramble, but I have 5 personal favorites I’d love to see an anime borrow from. Ok let’s start!

5. The Breakfast Club: Teenage angst was a thing to really get big in the 80s and this movie put it on the map. The show didn’t have any huge introductions, elaborate plot devices, or even a big set. It began with 5 people stuck in detention for some shit we had no clue about. The glue holding everything together was Judd Nelson, the handsome bad-but-really-a-good-guy providing the (frequent) comic relief and an unabashed mirror for everyone else to look at. Despite some of the terminology and music having an expiration date, the general themes are still relevant to many students today. For anime to almost always take place in high school, it often focuses on something else and just so happens to take place in high school, occasionally touching on things like bullying for a couple episodes, then the bully getting told off or befriended and things ending right there. I’d like to see an anime that’s funny, yet introspective, looking at various stratifications of student types in Japan and how things can be for real there. I know many hated the rotoscoping of Aku no Hana, but if it takes real actors to pull this off, I wouldn’t mind seeing it.

4. The Wood: The Wood is a movie following the lives of a group of black kids growing up and there various (often sexually-driven) exploits. One of the characters is to be married and we get to see their live’s up until that point. For such a simple and almost boring plot description, this movie is hilariously genius in the way it pulls things off. One thing pissing me off about anime is how it usually has the supporting character being sexually deprived, but the protagonist being an oblivious dumbass who can’t take a hint someone likes him. I’m all for chastity and being a gentlemen, but if I see another character tell a naked girl to get out their room one more time, I’m going to throw something. NORMAL GUYS DO NOT DO THAT. And it’s upsetting to keep seeing guys be so epically spineless regarding girls. Desert Punk, a funny show, had a main character all about the ladies, but unfortunately the ladies didn’t really like him. Why’s it impossible to have your cake and eat it??? Anyways, I’d love to have another slice-of-life anime with a little more focus and documenting what REAL Japanese students think about or say in conversation on their journey to the world of girls mimicking The Wood.

3. You Don’t Mess With The Zohan: This movie, I’ll call Zohan is so incredibly stupid, it’s ridiculous. It makes fun of stereotypes and is about an ex-military guy who wants to do hair. What the fuck else do you need to know? Dansai Bunri no Crime Edge dropped early this Spring of 2013, but that’s not really a comedy and just happens to deal with hair. For an anime, I’m not saying we need the protagonist to do hair, but to have an utterly ridiculously similar idea making fun of everything. I love fantasy games as they were the first kind of game I played after Mortal Kombat, but I want a show with no fantasy, no mecha, just some funny shit.

2. Jumper: I don’t usually like movies about people with super-powers because they’re novel and 2-dimensional. Admittedly, Jumper is a very “on-rails” story and the character development is quite minimal, but the execution of the movie, mythos of the story and implementation of how the powers work is really compelling. Jumper is a movie about a…well…jumper & jumpers are able to teleport anywhere in the world if they have a memory of that place or see it. However there are limits to this power and a force out to basically exterminate these Jumpers for seemingly no reason. There are a couple wonky things about the movie, but overall, it’s extremely fun to watch and the bad-bad protagonist makes it even more fun and believable. Samuel Jackson’s performance also pulls things together nicely as well. Fate/Zero is probably the most recent show with supernatural subject matter as the main focus, but something with a developed version of Jumper with more characters, more story, and more plot would be phenomenal.

1. The Prestige: There’s something about psychological thrillers and bending the limits of thought. Death Note, one of the most notable anime shows is a psychological thriller going to show that productions spotlighting a battle of wits always has a place in our hearts. The prestige is a movie about 2 rival magicians in a city competing to be the premiere magician and blow the other out the water by any means necessary — just short of killing one another. A game of cat & mouse I’m sure people would love to see. Something dark and intellectual would do the anime community really good. Ironically I don’t have much more to say about it, except to watch The Prestige so you can understand why this NEEDS an anime. It has all the makings of a great show: engaging cast, good premise, and room for believable plot twists. But seriously…why are you still reading this…? GO WATCH IT! NOW.

Do you agree w/any of these movies? What do YOU think??

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