rant=”Unannounced Spoilers Deserve Jail Time. No, Really”

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ok, I get it jeez bishThis new segment formally called “ran equals” is something new I’m doing. Obviously it’s me ranting. Get used to it.

I just got done reading a Kotaku review on Dead Space 3 DLC and came to another irritating realization: people fucking suck at giving spoiler alerts. As a note to video game reviewers…don’t EVER assume readers have played the last fucking game in the series because not everyone has or wants to be told everything about what happened in the last game. The English language has hundreds of thousands of words if not more; there’s ALWAYS a way to put in “SPOILER ALERT.”

What Reviewers THINK Spoilers Do:

epic-pool-win

As if…

What Reviewers Spoilers ACTUALLY Do:

1350490360_guy_jumps_cannon_ball_into_frozen_pond

Yeah Bryan…it hurts when made fun of for your own stupidity.

Kickstarter for instance, a fund raising platform for indie developers have had a couple really interesting games up lately and Dreamfall, a huge verbal adventure, raised about $1.5 million with some really sweet content on the updates page. Oh, and nevermind an update trailer having unannounced spoilers about the ending of the game before it. Nevermind that some are new and maybe want to play the first two in order to enjoy this 3rd entry. So I’m sure you could imagine my what-the-fuck-ness when a scriptwriter revealed the ending of the last game to make an irrelevant point about a new character. No spoiler warning, no nothing. For those who know me, I’m not one easily driven to violence, but I seriously wanted to fucking choke that guy…and pledge more money.

pervert-woody-window-sneaking

Spoiling is worse than Woody breaking into your sister’s place

You know what? It’s the same as stealing. when you randomly announce spoilers, you’re stealing a potential experience from the viewer/reader/listener. This stealing is a crime you should go to jail for and I’m not joking. Even after I “cool down,” I’m still serious about jail. I don’t think it’s worth prison…but definitely some jail time. Nothing too harsh, like a week or so max. I would send a letter to Obama , but I live in Canada now so you win for now you spoiling sons-a-bishes..

And another thing that really pisses me off are reviews for shows and games regurgitating redundant summaries of what happens when readers perhaps already know, might want to find themselves, or don’t want knowledge of what to expect because an idiot was too stupid to think. My anime-blogging brethren: if you’re doing this, STOP IT. THAT’S NOT A REVIEW. So public service announcement: when reviewing anime shows don’t give us the whole freaking episode in like six paragraphs okay we don’t care. The only one’s who care are the people who’ve maybe seen the show and the commenting on what you thought about it as opposed to a wall of text. Some of you could just write about what you think and maybe a short paragraph w/a cool summary without spoilers. I’m not saying I haven’t been guilty of the exact same thing but now I’m consciously trying not to give rehash summaries of things people already know what figure out elsewhere or she just figure out themselves.

Why do people just relay stuff like this without any sort of warning? Why do people do that didn’t get paid is there some sort of reward is there something that I’m missing because I just don’t understand.

will-and-carlton-dancing-fresh-prince-of-bel-air

huge-ass summaries < the carlton

I don’t know what your experiences were like, but back then when I was a kid on the playground used to have to pay or beg people to give you spoilers. They wouldn’t even tell you you if their life depended on it! But these days people just tell you important game-changing shit when you don’t even ask why. How did society get like this!?

I’m sorry to have to go off like this but this is just freaking insane. At the moment, milk doesn’t have shit on how many time’s I’ve been spoiled. If you only remember one thing after reading this just remember not to give spoilers unless you preface it with a spoiler alert. You don’t need Neil Degrasse Tyson to figure it out for you.Jeez.

You hate spoilers..? If not, can I send you to jail?? Comment!

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Comments

  1. Baka-Raptor

    March 19, 2013

    Spoilers, without a warning, when you’re talking to the public at large, such as through a blog or on youtube, are a disgrace worthy of flogging and banishment.

    On an individual level, there are rare instances when it might be acceptable. There’s one guy I knew who only watched anime when his roommate was watching and otherwise didn’t give a fuck. Spoiling him did no harm because he was never going to watch it anyway, and spoiling him got him to shut up.
    Baka-Raptor recently posted…Talk-A-Raptor 11: An Unbiased Review of The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of TimeMy Profile

    • Avatar of Nuu

      Nuu

      March 20, 2013

      Oh yeah, for sure. telling someone who won’t watch/play what happens is legit. I just hate it when people spoil for no reason grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrRRRRRRRRRRrrrr. Thanks for taking a look @ the post! It’s always nice to get a visit from one of the pros. Keep up the interesting posts.

  2. Moonlitasteria

    March 20, 2013

    I believe Kotaku actually wrote a post on reviews or what they can and can not say, lol. I use them as a last resort anyway.

    At any rate, everyone has their own style of doing reviews – some I agree with and others I do not. I never read any reviews that outright divulge on spoilers, but if they do, I usual just forget about it anyway. That said, I usual watch/play/finish the material in question before reading one, since the “syndicated pros” (and I use that word lightly) expect you to. Either way, I try to limit reading reviews or even writing them often that would influence someone instead of them checking it out for themselves. It is more meangfuil that way. But that is my poor and misguided philosophy.
    Moonlitasteria recently posted…The Beauty And Tyranny Of Aesthetics In AnimeMy Profile

    • Avatar of Nuu

      Nuu

      March 20, 2013

      yeah, at first i wasn’t sure why so many people hated Kotaku…but i think I’m starting to understand a bit now. It’s just hypocritical for some because apparently they hate it…but they comment lol. Just ironic to me lol. And so far, I haven’t been too fond of reviews either :/

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