I just got done reading a Kotaku review on Dead Space 3 DLC and came to another irritating realization: people fucking suck at giving spoiler alerts. As a note to video game reviewers…don’t EVER assume readers have played the last fucking game in the series because not everyone has or wants to be told everything about what happened in the last game. The English language has hundreds of thousands of words if not more; there’s ALWAYS a way to put in “SPOILER ALERT.”
What Reviewers THINK Spoilers Do:
What Reviewers Spoilers ACTUALLY Do:
Kickstarter for instance, a fund raising platform for indie developers have had a couple really interesting games up lately and Dreamfall, a huge verbal adventure, raised about $1.5 million with some really sweet content on the updates page. Oh, and nevermind an update trailer having unannounced spoilers about the ending of the game before it. Nevermind that some are new and maybe want to play the first two in order to enjoy this 3rd entry. So I’m sure you could imagine my what-the-fuck-ness when a scriptwriter revealed the ending of the last game to make an irrelevant point about a new character. No spoiler warning, no nothing. For those who know me, I’m not one easily driven to violence, but I seriously wanted to fucking choke that guy…and pledge more money.
You know what? It’s the same as stealing. when you randomly announce spoilers, you’re stealing a potential experience from the viewer/reader/listener. This stealing is a crime you should go to jail for and I’m not joking. Even after I “cool down,” I’m still serious about jail. I don’t think it’s worth prison…but definitely some jail time. Nothing too harsh, like a week or so max. I would send a letter to Obama , but I live in Canada now so you win for now you spoiling sons-a-bishes..
And another thing that really pisses me off are reviews for shows and games regurgitating redundant summaries of what happens when readers perhaps already know, might want to find themselves, or don’t want knowledge of what to expect because an idiot was too stupid to think. My anime-blogging brethren: if you’re doing this, STOP IT. THAT’S NOT A REVIEW. So public service announcement: when reviewing anime shows don’t give us the whole freaking episode in like six paragraphs okay we don’t care. The only one’s who care are the people who’ve maybe seen the show and the commenting on what you thought about it as opposed to a wall of text. Some of you could just write about what you think and maybe a short paragraph w/a cool summary without spoilers. I’m not saying I haven’t been guilty of the exact same thing but now I’m consciously trying not to give rehash summaries of things people already know what figure out elsewhere or she just figure out themselves.
Why do people just relay stuff like this without any sort of warning? Why do people do that didn’t get paid is there some sort of reward is there something that I’m missing because I just don’t understand.
I don’t know what your experiences were like, but back then when I was a kid on the playground used to have to pay or beg people to give you spoilers. They wouldn’t even tell you you if their life depended on it! But these days people just tell you important game-changing shit when you don’t even ask why. How did society get like this!?
I’m sorry to have to go off like this but this is just freaking insane. At the moment, milk doesn’t have shit on how many time’s I’ve been spoiled. If you only remember one thing after reading this just remember not to give spoilers unless you preface it with a spoiler alert. You don’t need Neil Degrasse Tyson to figure it out for you.Jeez.